HOW TO START A FIRST TIME CONVERSATION

HOW TO START A FIRST TIME CONVERSATION BY SAKEENAH'WRITES:

Undoubtedly some of us are naturally gifted with the ability to start a healthy  conversation with someone we are meeting for the first time but many of us today find it difficult to start a conversation without flopping as a result of nervousness, wrong manner of approaching people or unconscious old habits which may end offending the second party. 

Meanwhile, knowing how to initiate a conversation is a powerful skill on its own which everyone should learn. So, in this article you would be learning how to start a conversation and build a productive relationship with someone you are meeting for the first time.

1. TAKE A DEEP BREATH: Taking a deep breath before starting a conversation with someone you know little or nothing about helps to relieve you of the fear of being ignored and it reduces chances of you being nervous while in a conversation with that person.

2. FREE YOUR MIND OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS: You are starting a conversation with someone for the first time meaning that person shares no relationship with you until now right? Meaning you don't know anything about that person until you enter into a conversation with him or her and whatever you have heard about that person before now doesn't and shouldn't matter. 

So, when starting a conversation with someone for the first time, delete any negative thoughts you have about that person from your mind because that is the only way both of you can flow in the conversation. 

3. WEAR A NATURAL SMILE ON YOUR FACE: When you are meeting someone for the first time, your facial expressions and manner of approach is the first thing the person would notice. The way you started the conversation as well as your facial expression would give the other person a hint of your personality. It would also determine the attitude of the person you are conversing with towards you. So, when you start a conversation with someone for the first time, don't force a smile on your face, make it come naturally because that way the atmosphere won't be too serious and the other person would be compelled to smile back at you. With this, the conversation can now begin on a friendly note.

4. INTRODUCE YOURSELF IN A FORMAL BUT POLITE WAY: I see many people today, the youths especially making the mistake of starting a conversation with someone you are getting to know for the first time in an informal way which is inappropriate. Starting a conversation with someone for the first time using words like "What's up! Sup! Hey yo! etc... without any proper identification is very inappropriate. This can pass a wrong message and can as well give a wrong impression of who you are to the person you are starting a conversation with for the first time. 

So, I am going to explain how to start a conversation with someone for the first time in different cases: 

a. Meeting someone for the first time at school: When you meet for the first time in school, you don't just approach that person and jump into a conversation by just saying "What's up'' or ``Hey!" No! The proper way to start a conversation with someone who studies in the same school as you is to first of all greet that person with a smile on your face. 

After that, ask questions that would make the second person feel comfortable around you. Questions like, "How are you doing? How was the lecture? or How were your exams? depending on the occasion or circumstances that surround your meeting and starting a conversation with that person. 

After that, a proper introduction can come in and anticipating a reply from the other person won't make you feel nervous. For example, "Hi, How are you? My name is Lisa, I am a 400 level student of Cambridge University. How about you?,"

"Hey, How are you? My name is Jake, a 100 level student of Lagos State University. What about you?" OR you can start by saying

"Good day, How are you? I am Mariam. I am also a student of this university studying business Administration. What course do you study?" etc... With this, the person won't find your approaching him/her offensive and continuing the conversation won't be an issue.

b. Meeting someone for the first time online: If you are starting a conversation with someone for the first time online, be it on WhatsApp or any social media platform. Don't just start by saying "Hey or Hi!" Start by introducing yourself, making it known to the person how or where you got his/her number from and explain why you want to connect with him/her. That way the person won't find your wanting to connect with him or her strange or suspicious because you already told them how you got their number and why you are connecting with them.

For example, saying "Hello! My name is Sakeenah, I got your number from...... I would like to connect with you" OR you can say

"Hey, I am Abdul, I got your number from a WhatsApp Platform. I am chatting from Lagos, Nigeria and I am chatting you up because......(add your reason for chatting the person up.) 

It doesn't always have to be "I would like to connect with you." You can add your own purpose of starting a conversation with that person after introducing yourself.

c. Meeting a colleague at work for the first time: You might have been working in a company for quite some time or probably you recently started working somewhere so you are just getting to know the faces of all those who work in the same place you do but you want to know more about them or maybe you want to inquire more about the position you occupy then a formal introduction should come in.

In such cases, you should approach your colleague at work with a handshake or a warm hug as a sign of courtesy then you start the conversation by introducing yourself and your new position. 

For example, "Hello! (with a smile on your face). My name is Pearl, I am the new Finance Manager and I recently got employed on Monday. It's nice having you around but being a new employee, I would like to know how things are being done around here to avoid being queried. You know how some employers can be at times(say this in a funny tone not with the intention of ridiculing your boss but with the intention of causing humor and making the atmosphere lively)." 

This warm approach and polite but formal way of Introduction would immediately attract a friendly reply from the other person and if the other person is not willing to make friends with you then using the same manner of approach for other colleagues is necessary and before you know it, you have made friends with and built a productive relationship with almost all your colleagues at work.

NOTE: Majority of us make the mistake of using our nickname as a means of introduction when starting a conversation with someone for the first time. This is not wrong but in a case where you are connecting with or meeting the person for the first time "ONE ON ONE" be it online or offline then it becomes inappropriate!

Your birth name should come first, then you can include your nickname, pet name or brand name using this format, "Good day, My name is Sharon. I am chatting from Lagos Island, Nigeria. Many people call me Sharzzy so you can as well save my number as Sharzzy or you can also call me Sharzzy." It's simple, more appropriate and it shows that the person introducing him/herself is educated! Now, after knowing each other's real names or nicknames, it is then left for the person you are conversing with to choose which name he/she will prefer to address you by.

4. END THE CONVERSATION ON A FRIENDLY NOTE:  After going through the appropriate introduction process and you notice that both of you have already started flowing with each other yourself but now you want to end the conversation only to continue it when next you come across each other you should not end the conversation with just a "bye" Statement. No! The person may not say it but this approach may discourage the person from wanting to start a conversation with you or even greet you when next you meet because the way you ended the last conversation was not pleasing. 

The proper and more pleasant way to end a conversation you started with someone for the first time is to say "Nice connecting with you", "It was nice knowing you", "Meeting you is a privilege", "It was nice meeting you and I look forward to seeing you next time" OR you can say, It was nice connecting with you and I look forward to a productive relationship with you (with a smile on your face)".

In conclusion, most youths today are always reluctant to be the first person to start a conversation and from my own research, I noticed that some it was their ego, some they feel that starting the conversation first would make the other person see them as desperate and some said that most times, the reply they got from the other person was rude and discouraging. Well, in some cases yh but I don't see why that should stop you from starting a conversation with someone because just because someone you started a conversation with didn't reply in a way that was pleasant doesn't mean everyone you meet or start a conversation with is the same. We need to be positive minded and if you have the mindset or thought that you cannot be the first to always start a conversation with someone then I advise you get rid of it because it is toxic! 

Just because you are the first to start a conversation doesn't mean you are desperate, it doesn't reduce your worth nor does it give the other person the right to speak rudely to you. Rather it simply means that you are humble and social enough to start a conversation with someone you don't know and you are building for yourself a productive connection with people while others are allowing their ego get in the way of their building a productive relationship for themselves with people. 

Also, for those who feel that someone who is the first to start a conversation, approach them or text them is desperate or that they can treat that person without regards then you are wrong because it doesn't matter who is starting a conversation with you or what approach the person use, you have no right to treat that person without regards or speak rudely to that person. Everyone irrespective of their social class or status deserves to be given regards and treated with respect because that is the only way you can differentiate between the sincere and insincere people in your life.

I hope this article was helpful and educating. If yes, then please don't forget to like this article and follow me for more of Sakeenahwrites.